Make me bad, again
by slaughter77
Summary: One shot. Dean spirals back down to his sad ways when Seth leaves the Shield. Implied slash.


Disclaimer: I own nothing.

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 _I'm watching the rise and fall of my salvation._

 _There's so much shit around me._

 _Such a lack of compassion._

"..There's always a plan B". Hunter finished, standing in front of us with his ridiculous sledgehammer, and with just Randy standing by his side, not even Dave could stand his selfish, arrogant ass. What could his plan be? We beat them fair and square last night there's nothing else to prove, the man is old. I have a weird feeling as Hunter and Randy have this smirks on their faces as if they knew something we didn't.

With the corner of my eye I saw Seth lifting the chair he had previously withdrawn from underneath the ring, I just thought he was too excited because last night because being the first one to start a fight wasn't his thing. It wasn't him. And I heard a smack followed by Roman arching his back in pain and falling with his arms over the ropes. I couldn't understand what just happened, my mouth fell in confusion and shock.

"What the fuck?" I muttered.

And I couldn't move, my legs froze under me, then I felt him shoving the top of the chair to my stomach and then he hit my back as I bent forward to hold my abdomen. This just wasn't happening. I thought my mind was playing games on me again, that I was dreaming awake that Seth left us. I tried to raise and try to talk it out with him, whatever had happened it sure could get fixed but just not like this. Seth? It couldn't be him.

Then, hit after another it dawned on me. If I said it was like ice-cold water falling on me it would be an understatement. Seth was leaving us. Leaving _me_. He was now part of the authority and I was unable to think of a reason behind all of this. As I tried to stand up I caught a glimpse of his face, the mischievous smile hiding behind a few stands of his hair. His hands gripping on the chair as if his life depended on it. His glowing brown innocent eyes were rather filled with anger. It will always haunt me. The way he looked like he was enjoying this. Was it something I did? Was it something Roman did? And finally, he gave my worried mind peace as his foot made my face connect to the steel chair that laid now on the mat, curb-stomping me out of his life. Forever.

 _I thought it would be all fun and games_

 _Instead it's all the same_

I still remember the first time we met, I disliked teaming but the creative staff made me go into a team. I used to be in different teams in my indie days but they never seemed to work. Apparently, I had to team with these guys who would go with the names of Seth and Roman. Of course we had met before and had our feuds but we'd never speak more than what was necessary. I couldn't have thought that something like this would happen. When we went out there in the ring we hit it right off.

But now here I am. Sitting on the edge of my bed with my hands entwined together, it has been like this since he did this to us. To me. And I can't think of what could've made him choose their side over ours. I shouldn't have thought it was going to change, only bad things could happen to me if something as good as him happened to me.

 _I feel the reason as it's leaving me, no, not again._

 _It's quite deceiving as I'm feeling the flesh make me ba_ _d._

I'm sitting on the bar and it feels like I never left. I manage to drink double of the limited amount of drinks without anyone noticing until it's too late. And it doesn't matter how many drinks I take it just can't drown away the feelings, the hurt. It never did but I thought I wouldn't be back, for the first time in my life I felt like I had hope in myself. I just want to drown the world out, I'm sick of my miserable life. _Please come back._

And I can no longer reach out my hand and know that he'll be around to hold it, help me hold it together. He never said anything, it shouldn't have ended this way. These hurt is becoming impossible to carry on with. It hurts that he keeps on showing no remorse like we had never met, like we never shared our private memories, like we never got drunk until dawn.

It's funny that the one that made me have hope in life, is the one that provoked all this mess in my head once again. I just want a way out of this. He taught me that life was beautiful and worth staying, but he never told me how I should go on without him.

 _All I'll do is look for you._

I'm so drunk and I can barely move, my body is in unbearable pain but the fingers tangled in my hair are soothing it, making it go away. My head is laying on his lap, it feels warm, it had snowed all day and this was our day off and I couldn't have asked for anything better. Drunk until I couldn't form a coherent sentence and with Seth taking care of my drunk ass. I really thought it just couldn't get better. I was already beginning to drift off to sleep when he said that. _"I'll take care of you."_ And I really thought about considering drinking my ass off more often.

But he changed that for me, he wouldn't allow me to get more than a few drinks. Besides, I didn't need them anymore I was addicted to another drug that I wasn't even aware I was addicted. it gave me the strength and courage I needed, it gave me faith in me, in life.

 _What does it mean to you?_

 _For me it's something I just do_

And I was crashing on Roman's room again. Because he was scared I'd hurt myself, that he wasn't going to find me the next morning. Or something like that, I was too busy staring at Seth turning at the corner of the hallway, looking at me with a smile on his face. With that smile on his face. And it just helped me shatter into many pieces again, how could he still play this dirty game? Why did he get so much joy in seeing me suffer?

And I couldn't help it. I just happened to get too attached when someone showed a bit of attention, affection. I hadn't received any in the past, and what he showed was more than what I ever thought possible but that's just a memory now. He won't be replaced.

 _I want something._

 _I need to feel the sickness in you._

And now that the Authority has left him, I thought it would make me happy because he would understand the pain we went through. Because he has fallen into this spiral where he keeps on treating people who care about him like shit.

But I'm not glad. Instead, I want to go out there and help him, assure him everything will be okay. Like we used to do, when he caught my hand when he was scared, his eyes speaking volumes because he needed comfort. When we would clash our foreheads and whisper reassuring things before a match. I would've never thought this could happen. Not to me. Not to us.

Roman and I walked through the corridors, again I was too distracted by my thoughts to notice someone was walking and we bumped on each other. It was him. Of course it had to be- but I felt something. I felt the hurt, his skin was cold and his eyes showed the despair and the need for comfort. The sorrow could be read on every inch of his face, even his eyes were moist, drops at each side of his brown eyes and I admit it hurt to see how he had done this to himself. We stared at each others eyes for the briefest of seconds and I knew what he needed. But we weren't friends anymore. maybe we were never anything. I never meant anything to him.

 _Does it make me bad?_

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 _A/N: As I was gleefully listening to Korn I heard the first sentences of the song and this idea popped into my mind. Hope you guys enjoy! Thank you for reading. Reviews are greatly appreciated. :)_


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